Marian-Webster Headquarters Marched On By Truth-In-Prefixes Protesters

Members of the Truth-In-Prefixes movement turned out in great numbers over the weekend to bring their concerns over the English language's inconsistent use of prefixes straight to the source. Those fat cats at Marian-Webster. They argue that, among other things, if a word makes use of a prefix, the base word logically must be recognized as a word and represented in the dictionary. For instance, many of the protesters are disgruntled that they cannot find gruntled in dictionary. They are sick and tired of being forced to choose between being overwhelmed and underwhelmed and want to usher in a new era where whelmed is not defined as:

1. To cover with water; submerge.

2. To overwhelm.
Instead, they demand that whelmed's definition reflects the absence of its prefix.

Protest organizers said they were very pleased with the turnout and everyone seemed to have a gruntled time. However, they did acknowledge that, in retrospect, the event may have been more successful at getting it's message across had it been held during normal business hours instead of the weekend.

After Consulting Multiple independent Sources, Area Woman Able To Accepts The Existence Of Harmonic Balancers

After receiving her mechanics professional opinion as to the source of her car's ruff idol, Sheila Gob's epistemic crisis began.

"You hear of mechanics making stuff up just to charge you for something that doesn't exist all of the time. When I was informed that my cars harmonic balancer needed to be realigned I was like, Ya right. What are you some sort of 'Eastern mechanic?' Does my car need acupuncture as well? I told him straight up, why don't go realign some other cars chi while I take my car to a real doctor, I mean mechanic. After receiving the same diagnosis from the next 3 mechanics I went to, I thought to myself, maybe there is something to this harmonic balancer thing. So I went for it and had it realigned. Contrary to everything my Western education told me, it worked! That day I took a vow to never again to judge something by it's empirical merits."

7th Grade Math Teacher Considering Career Change After Failing To Convince A Single Student In His Class That 0 Is Not A Prime Number

In the midst of Dr. Roberts lecture on prime numbers, progress slowed considerably when he attempted to explain to his class that zero wasn't a prime number. Each and every pupil found it incomprehensible that zero divided by zero wasn't zero. Dr. Roberts maintained his composer and attempted to use logic to convince his students and laid out the following augment. "For example, we could say that 1/0 = 5. But there's a rule in arithmetic that a(b/a) = b, and if 1/0 = 5, 0(1/0) = 0*5 = 0 doesn't work, so you could never use the rule. If you changed every rule to specifically say that it doesn't work for zero in the denominator, what's the point of making 1/0 = 5 in the first place? You can't use any rules on it. So, when you divide zero by zero the answer is undefined."

Unmoved by the explanation, Lisa Gibbs remarked "but this is math class. You can't divide a number by zero and get a word."

Spontaniouos Palendrom Face-Off Started Off Strong, Ended In Embarassment

Eager to partake in the palindrome fad that was sweeping the nation, Randy Bob challenged his friend Rick Steve to a palin-off. Steve, having also been caught up in the palindromic phenomenon, quickly accepted the challenge and opened with "Now evil, I've won!" After Bob's attempted forfeiture went unaccepted by Steve, he mustered all of his intellect and countered with "Kayak."

Snap-Shot: Whats on our lists of prioities?

1) Finally get around to procrastinating.

2) Re-evaluate priorities.

3) Convert list of priorities from list form to post-it-note form.

4) Strategically place newly compiled priority post-it-notes all over the place.

5) Re-prioritize priorities.

Point - Counter Point

Personification is the greatest trope ever!

Anthropomorphism is the greatest trope ever!

Free Market Indicted On 2nd Degree Sexual Assult Charges

-In a news conference today, advocates for the Free Market officially refute charges that they should be held accountable for actions of their Invisible Hand.

Party Finger Pointing:
Republicans blame Democrats economic policies for causing the actions of the Invisible Hand. The Republican Party personified as a parrot was quoted as squawking: "QUaa, If the Democrats can't keep their dirty fingers out of the economy, how can we as a nation expect the Invisible Hand to keep it's fingers out of anyone else?"

Democrats response: "No we aren't, You are!"